you can't have joy without sadness. you can have happiness without sadness, the feeling of being delighted, of being amused, of being carefree. but you can't have joy without sadness because joy is a profound, mature emotion. to experience actual joy, not the fleeting sensation of happiness, but actual lived experience of joy, you have to have gratitude, you have to have compassion. you can't have gratitude for the good times without experiencing the bad times. you can't have compassion without experiencing sadness.

cinema therapy on inside out 2

spent most of today researching recipes. i'm so sick of eating and cooking same food. went into a rabbit hole. the goal is to cook mille-feuille nabe but i need a pot.

haven't bought groceries in chinatown for two weeks. went to 8 different stores to buy veges and fruits and condiments. shopped groceries for 2 hours and got so hungry that i was dizzy and nauseous. i was close to passing out. it's been like this the past few days or maybe week. i feel out of breath and sickly, getting cold sweats and headaches. what is happening to me?

caved in and spent money to buy rice noodles at house of dim sum. was shocked when i saw the total was 16 dollars. i got so disappointed at myself for paying so much for rice noodles and was internally howling on the way home. arguing that i could totally buy a whole box of cooked meat for 16 dollars, but instead i paid for a bunch of flour and a few pieces of meat. made me even more averse to buy food in the future

just discovered they do sell miso and kimchi in chinatown @ new asia supermarket. i've been going to japantown to buy them. but woori market makes their own kimchi so i will still go there just for that.

also discovered Sheng Hing Market has cheaper groceries than HuaXing. they have 49c/lbs bananas and 2 avocados for $1.5.

Dong Hing Supermarket still has the cheapest tofu out of them all. $1.39 per pack.

bought fermented bean curd with chilli taste to try out but it tasted so weird. asked my mom and she said i had to cook it. it makes more sense now.

napping at the transamerica park is pretty nice. it's like ac, 16 degrees on high fan speed. just wish it wasn't so windy.

so much to study for statistics. quiz on thursday. the bad experience from last quiz is creeping up on me. i feel like i should know all of these already but i always feel like a complete beginner.

today completely flew by. it was a quiet day but an essential rest day. i napped three times. also got really frustrated, nostalgic, and pessimistic. i need to learn how to manage my emotions and thoughts. gerd is also recurring recently. acid reflux. getting worried.