“I want everything quiet and simple. For me: walking barefoot, sitting still, reading, listening to stories, and now and then telling some myself. Eating fruit, drinking milk, longing to create, but with patience and many insights.”

— Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Lou Salomé witten c. March 1904

finally visited the architectural bookstore near my place, architecture is a cool field. turning sketches into real concrete or glass structures is amazing. learned about Frank Lloyd Wright and Norman Foster. will look into more architects in the future.

went into gym completely dead, came out feeling a little more alive. gym surprisingly gives energy back. will need to be more consistent and intentional about my goals and routines.

i often forget that im in a good place, im blessed, life is good, and there's so much to be grateful for. that being sad or negative from disappointments and unmet expectations is an offense to God and to my parents who sacrificed so much for me to be here. instead of chasing achievements and productivity, im allowed to take a break from that never ending treadmill and appreciate everything in my life now. that stopping for just a few seconds wont mean i fall into the depths of hell with no escape. i have to introduce more in-between moments in my life. taking breaks to read in between focus sessions. reaching out to friends. looking at the sky more. taking more photographs of things that glimmer. i struggle the most with ending work at night. i need a shutdown routine. a way to tell myself, "that's enough for today, Ben, you've done enough, you deserve some rest". instead, i work till i'm at the brink of consciousness, and crash out in my bed (which is the floor at this moment, padded with a fully deflated air bed, and some beddings)

useful communication phrases from "say what you mean" by Oren Jay Sofer

offering empathy

• let me see if im understanding. what im getting is ... ?
• i want to make sure im getting it. it sounds like ... ?
• here's what im hearing ... is that right?

eliciting information

• tell me more.
• anything else you'd like me to understand about this?

requests for empathy

• what would be most helpful for me is just to be heard. would you be willing to listen for a bit and tell me what you're hearing
• i just said a lot and im not sure it all came out the way i was intending. could you tell me what you got from all that
• what i just said is really important to me. would you be willing to tell me what you're getting?

hearing no

• i'm curious to know, why not? can you share more?
• what's leading you to say no? do you have other ideas?
• can we take some time to brainstorm ideas that could work for the both of us?
• what would you need to know, or what could i do, to make it possible for you to say yes.

saying no

• id like to say yes, and here's whats getting in the way of that right now.
• im hearing how important this is to you, and im not seeing how i can make it work given that i also have a need for ... could we explore some other options that might work for you?
• i cant agree to that without a significant cost to myself in terms of ... [other needs]. would it work for you if we tried ... instead?