can't seem to focus in class anymore. my head just keeps echoing the worlds "i need a practicum that's at least good enough so i can get a good callback rate to get a good full time job so that paying 56k for this masters will be worth it and i can make my parents proud and i can make enough money to live comfortably in SF for the time being"

it's also finishing homeworks asap so that i don't have to spend time doing it later, and looking up at the lecture slides to see what the professor is teaching every few minutes so i'm not completely lost after.

i couldn't see a reason why i was in this program anymore after the rug pull. the practicum was the only reason i came to this school, and i was going to aim for the best. i did that, and look where that got me.

i was spiralling.

everyone else is doing fine. i felt alienated.

family is going to come visit soon for 3 weeks and i can't feel excited. i feel like i let them down and i'm stressed out.

went to nap at 7:30 pm and proceeded to sleep until dawn.