Esther Perel asks everyone this question: "Knowing yourself as well as you do, what do you think makes it hard to live with you?"
nobody is ready. i'm prepared, i'm perfect, i'm fully baked. everyone has relationship issues they're going to have to address at some point in their lives. the only question is with whom, not if, just with whom. whose the one that you're going to do the work with. we're all works in progress, we're notoriously imperfect, rather unpredictable. and many relationship problems are not problems that you solve. they're paradoxes that you learn to manage.
the fog in the morning was so cool. so sleep deprived i basically dragged myself to school to take the quiz.
had no idea if the sql queries i wrote were correct. finished in 20 minutes, stayed the whole way just because i lack confidence in my answers. fell asleep a few times throughout. after completing, did not feel like talking to anyone at all.
i feel like i have yet to recuperate from the first round of stressful quizzes, and the interview grind, and the hackathon. things are piling on one after another. had to skip class just so i could nap for an hour in the afternoon.
woke up and stared at the ceiling for 30 minutes, started overthinking and reminiscing, feeling angry and frustrated about the past sometimes, it's a dangerous place to enter. it requires so much effort to stay in the present.
the weather was perfect (27 degrees) to work at transamerica park.
sat on one of the tables for 3 hours writing the ray article. so glad i have this space to work from.
my eyes were glued to my macbook the entire time. was deep in flow and focus, but did not manage to take breaks. i need to work with people to remind myself to take breaks. where are my co-working friends.
saw many friends and couples and doggies walking past.
the air reminded me of Iowa somehow. it was a mixture of old books, the forest and petrichor (after-rain smell)
felt so drained and meaningless afterwards, felt like i could be doing cool things with people, and not compile stuff for an article. felt better after seeing the sunset.
i get anxiety going home now, saw the door the crazy man's house was open, was worried i would run into him. i imagine myself fighting against him, but in reality i'll just cower away.
spent the rest of the day talking to mom and finishing up the article.
my day was consumed by the quiz, my class, the ray article, and my mom. my days are so short here.