github hackathon

i hate the feeling of not understanding something that I should understand after studying it so many times, and the fact that i'm a stats major, why do I not get probability intuitively? i feel anxiety in this class. two homeworks every week and quizzes every thursday is agonizing
realizing that most of the students in the class are pre smart
it's so hard for me to talk about sports, i know literally nothing, and 99% of guys likes sports
i want more friends but i'm too drained to talk to many people (it's only day two Ben take it slow)
so tired in the second class, i could pass out on the table
if i speedrun homework and not listen to class, there's really no point being there, also realizing that i might not be able to write these code without googling, so i should probably pay attention
the library for this campus is a small bookshelf, borrowed "The Power of Experiments" by Michael Luca & Max H. Bazerman
haven't been to a hackathon since anthropic claude 2, i missed this
i think i'm better at talking to people now, there's less hesitation and fear to start the conversations, now it's more about how to make sure I'm being a good conversationalist and I'm responding genially like a host
going up to a group of people and talking is actually not that scary once I do it
it's so unhealthy whenever I have intense focus on something, and I have to go fast, i forget to breathe and relax, i get tense, my vision narrows, my anxiety increases, and i will stop at no cost until I get it done, forgoing health, physically and mentally
kept asking questions unapologetically and i won $150 gift card for the unstructured challenge, lets go
i spoke on stage and I didn't feel anxious at all wow, just felt a bit awkward about the things i was saying
but i'm still missing energy and liveliness, this takes so much practice, cause it's just so against my nature
how to manage anxiety but still perform optimally is the hard problem
almost got hit by a car when i crossed the street checking directions on my phone, I was already halfway on a 4 lane street, i could've been in the hospital wow
a happy couple holding hands just had to walk in front of me at 10 pm as i'm walking home alone in the cold HUH. i need to be happy for others
it's just day two of class and I'm already dreading this semester, i feel like i'm going to lose myself in the rapid pace of everything, i'm speedwalking from place to place, rushing homework in class, rushing to the next event/hackathon, rushing my meal preps, rushing everything, everything needs to be done asap, it has to be optimized, so i have time for the next thing, or my own thing.
opportunity cost is so high here, so many games to play, so little time and energy, it's just this one life
i forget that i'm only 22 sometimes. what am I chasing? why am I in such a rush?

BENEDICT NEO 梁耀恩

github hackathon