if our minds are always stuck where we could be, we miss out on being where we are.
next time is next time. now is now.
today was a long yet fulfilling day. woke up 7am. bible study on proverbs. 30 min train ride to grab free stuff from a house (a google deepmind cup, pickleball set, a trash can, board and card games, and food), bought egg tarts from yummy bakery, went to a malaysian party and had fun conversations and sang the national anthem on a rooftop with the malaysian flag, ate thai food, and saw a comedy standup in a bar, and got home at 9pm.
these long days are more rewarding than checking off my todo lists at the chinatown library or working on my long list of unfinished projects, or getting future assignments done early or reading up on articles and papers. optimizing every second of every hour. its conversations with strangers and making serendipitous plans that puts you in the moment.
its crazy how i met malaysians who went to the same high school and college, and people that lived 10 minutes away from my home in malaysia in sf. its comforting to meet people close to home with shared context and similar backgrounds.
i have a lot to work on for my social skills. i need to be more curious and attentive. i forget names seconds after hearing them. i fail to ask good questions. i stumble through my thoughts and fail to express my opinions well. i'm insecure and i don't speak with confidence. i wonder how im perceived by others. if i met myself, how would i feel about me. its so important to make other people feel safe and heard and accepted. thats what people remember. not what school you go to or what startup youre working on, but how you made them feel.
confidence in one self is a major part to socializing. and from cinema therapy, self confidence comes from self acceptance. its the foundation. validation from others can be a buttress for confidence, but confidence ultimately comes from self love.