“We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.” – Hesse, Siddartha

• Freedom is no fear
• The Hawaiian prayer Ho'oponopono is powerful for acknowledging that a wrongdoing has happened, asking for forgiveness, thanking, and loving. It can be directed towards other people, your emotions and feelings, to the universe, and to yourself. It is about restoring balance.
  • I'm sorry
  • Please forgive me
  • Thank you
  • I love you
• i would honestly prefer take econs or finance right now, watching just 5 minutes of this video and i realize i have zero finance knowledge
• someone said reading Sylvia Path’s journal was like putting your head in an oven, i wanna read it so bad now
• locked out of my room so I read New Yorker’s June 2024 issue that I borrowed from the library, read about Taiwan’s history and it’s pretty interesting. I realize for any current events, you can follow the thread of significant events in history that led to what you see today. Keep traversing backwards, ask the deeper questions, and you discover how things came to be today. Things like the Dutch ruling Taiwan, then Chinese, then Japanese, then the murky agreements between US and China and Taiwan that led to independence? I forget, I skimmed through the text. But much respect for Taiwanese, shouting “We are Taiwanese”. It also talks about how if an East Asia war broke out, it would have severe consequences, this guy wrote about how Japan should be preparing to defend Taiwan, and how you can make Taiwan an island that would deter China from attacking it. Oh and how XI is pushing to bring back Qing dynasty ruling? Unifying china into one?
• It also made me realize how much of the world I don’t know, that I never cared to know. i never have a strong urge to support a particular cause or to fight against a system. maybe i’ve just been living in a safe and privileged bubble, or the people I surround myself with aren’t the activist/political type.
• lately i’m forgetting why i’m here. why i’m spending so much of my dad’s money to be here. spending 4 hours at an art book fair, looking at art books by artists trying to make a living. enjoying myself, making a shrinky dink. i’m not pushing myself enough? the delicate balance between working hard and also relaxing. of doing what’s fun but also what’s hard. of striving for something great and also remembering that health matters. that every possible choice and action and word can change the trajectory of my life. i think i’m happy? am i happy? i still don’t know what i want. i feel like i want things other people want and that if i get those things i’ll be happy but i’m really not. why am i so empty sometimes? sometimes i realize i’m just surpressing a lot of emotions and I think i’m doing fine but it overflows. I’m sometimes excessively emotional and sentimental. but i guess it’s fine to let it out. i scroll back to old photos of people that are really far away, nostalgia is a double edged sword. i can’t look back to the past. i must resist the temptation of the past, a cozy and warm nook where I become apathetic. i remember how I felt so comfortable being with my family. i realize i do miss home, but being home wasn’t sustainable. i realize change is necessary. and change is hard. and change always requires sacrifice. and to live with that means acceptance, it means growing, it means holding up your end of the bargain of life, of doing good work, being kind, putting your gifts and talents to use, and being optimistic about the future, having indefinite optimism.
• I should sleep. i think i need more structure for these blogs. i want to make a book out of these entries one day. I also want to write better. i have to read more letters, and Sylvia Path’s journal and Kafka’s letters? what genre is this? autobiography and memoir?