morning walk to ferry building

• been feeling kinda empty and anxious ever since i arrived. It reminds me of what seneca said that moving to a different place won’t cure whatever problems you have, you’re just bringing them with you. i thought once i landed in SF id be happy again, and excited and positive, this is everything i wanted since i left, but why do i feel empty? was this not what i wanted? maybe it's the change, and change takes time, and change is good. i might be clinging on to the past. wanting things to stay the same. it's comfortable that way.
• this past week was difficult. Learning how to manage my emotions, how to live with another person, to tolerate their quirks, and how to adapt and problem-solve when things don’t go as planned, how to be okay with uncertainty, how to let anxious and negative thoughts flow past me instead if letting it consume me, and how to not let nostalgia and sentimentality stop me from acting or feeling down, but use it as a tap on the shoulder to connect and reach out to friends and family, to remind myself to be grateful.
• i love the bakeries here, also the display breads are real and composted at the end of the day, everyday, wow

dolores park

• where i tried grass in 2022
• smaller than I remembered
• the sun is intense, i'm worried about the UV index now, which apparently goes up to 10. i don't want to get tan. gonna sunscreen from now on
• so hard to go past the surface level with these meetups, but I guess the goal of these is just surface level
• so easy to just be a observer than an active participant
• hanging around the snack area is a good way to start convos
• most people are really not interested to talk to you, is it the way I look hmmm
• 12 to 12, 12 ideas in 12 months
• could've went to thailand and ship instead
• is there anything else I can say about Malaysia besides the hot weather and cheap, good food
• where are the asians that are our age, the people at this event are pre old, >25

valencia st

• i love this street
• i initially only wanted to visit dog-eared bookstore, but there was open editions (art books + gifts) and paxton gate (collectibles, rocks, fossils)
• these stores were so nice, it took my mind off the anxiety and worries
• got some rocks and nice used art books
• i rmbr how messy and sketchy mission district is

fisherman's wharf fireworks

• it's pre fun walking with hundreds of people towards the same location, makes us all feel connected towards something, all aiming for the same goal. we need to have more things that unite people at this scale.
• it is so bloody cold at the pier, i got major headaches from the wind, what is this condition? why do cold ears lead to headaches. is this Vasoconstriction?
• fireworks are cool, there were rain shower types, smiley faces, big ones, moving ones, and more shapes and forms that I can't describe. there was a korean family behind us and they were so expressive it was so cute. like 오 (oh) i like sound and 와 (wa)
• so nice to reconnect with B, haven't seen him in almost a year, his vibes are immaculate
• walking conversations are the best and most natural
• driving from Virginia to the bay in a sine wave form must be so fun, especially with two friends
• i did the same thing last year with different people, and walked back with different people too. i wonder who I'll walk with next year.

watching the fireworks made me think of this steve jobs quote, but instead of a rainbow, it's fireworks

"Think of your life as a rainbow arcing across the horizon of this world. You appear, have a chance to blaze in the sky, then you disappear. To know my arc will fall makes me want to blaze while I am in the sky. Not for others, but for myself, for the trail I know I am leaving. "

when you feel like there's no point to all this, remember you're not doing this for you, no. it's for your parents, your friends, for God, for people, for the future, for the world. it's not about the meaning you try create yourself, it's what the world seeks from you. If you can't remember why you're doing all this, remember all the people that's rooting for you, supporting you, and loving you. it's not all about you. it's about what you can do for others. remember to be kind, to spread positivity, to hold on to joy when it comes, and extinguish cynicism the second it arrives. it's the least you can do. it's what makes all this worth it.