one day trip with family.

9 a.m. rental car pick up at Hertz @ the marriott.

wanted a tesla but got a 2025 nissan altima instead.

below was the unplanned, serendipitous, search as i go plan. the highlight was the 180 degree sunset at trojan point. beats the one at utah with the view of SF and the ocean.

• lunch
  • in n out (pier 39)
  • marina green
• fresh smoothie
  • café del soul (mill valley)
• beach
  • muir beach
  • stinson beach
• mt tam
  • pantoll campground
  • old mine trial
  • mount tamalpais east peak
  • verna dunshee trail (short rocky hike)
  • gardner fire lookout
  • trojan point (sunset spot)
• dinner at sausalito
  • Arawan Thai Cuisine
• gifts and snacks
  • trader joes
  • target
• night view
  • Twin peaks

having a car is nice, driving not so much. i visited so many places today. it felt like the longest day ever. being with family again is so comfortable. it's a real blessing.

the entire day it felt like i was travelling on holiday and still in an accelerated masters program, although worries about exams, ucsf research, and homework did creep into my head from time to time. it's hard for me to fully be present and be curious with family. i appreciate them a lot but it's hard to show it. i have to cherish the rest of the days they have here.

headache was quite bad the entire day. i've been sleeping enough, must be something else. stress maybe. i need to learn how to rest and relax at the right times.

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

had breakfast and went back to nap in bed. 8 hours and i'm still sleepy

went to chinese methodist church with family. they celebrated one of the pastor's 70th birthday. everyone is so welcoming. one of the members met her husband at church and got married. she was very friendly

got scammed by a lyft driver. it took considerable effort to get a refund back. i couldn't report that i wasn't picked up, this scam is pretty smart. had to report that the driver was unsafe to get to an actual human being.

took lyft to asian art museum. lots of buddhist and hindu statues and art that i wasn't that interested in. the jade ones were cool.

saw city hall for the first time. it lights up past sunset. the sunset is so pretty here.

went to sfpl main and got 'the concept of anxiety' by kierkegaard, get together (stripe press), and a psalms journal book.

went to do laundry in north beach

took accutane the past few days and headaches have been severe. it's clawing my brain from the inside

I think that most people are underestimating just how radical the upside of AI could be, just as I think most people are underestimating how bad the risks could be

• Dario Amodei, Machines of Loving Grace

anthropic office is so nice. mini apples, coffee bar, boba stand, snacks, unsweetened matcha, lint rollers and bamboo toothbrushes in the bathroom.

learned about pax.dev, a unified framework and language for design and development

founder of aivideo.com sat on our table and started sharing his stories. his advice: you have have full conviction you can be the 2% ($10B valuation).

he also talked about the best skill of a good MLE: bootstrapping. test out the idea with a few samples of data, collect data as you go, use that data to finetune your model, keep iterating.

hacked on a better captcha system in 2 hours. had a great demo to alex. got announced to be top 5 and was first to demo in front of >100 people. getting top 2 in the end was surreal. we finally broke the cycle for hackathon loses for chinatown mafia. it's a new beginning. what's next?

had trisara for dinner with family. went to SFO to pickup sister.

was so sleepy the entire day.

In the end, I care less about what I accomplish and more about the man I am while accomplishing. Who I become through my work – tommy dixon, how to work

so surreal to see family in my house, walking with them on columbus ave. feels comforting

dinner with family and W at the cilentano per A's recommendation. it was a 700 ringgit italian meal. converting is not a good idea.

i had the spaghetti al granchio. gnocchi is like a soft and warm pillow. first time eating capers. crab meat tasted funny.

found out that owner's wife is half malaysian. very friendly guy.

took the bus to swensen's and had ice cream. obligatory picture taking for sis. 0.5x camera shots are so fun.

tried out computer use past midnight for hackathon next day. it's unreliable without specific instructions, and tokens shoot up to millions so fast.

slept at 3:30 a.m.

when making decisions, ask yourself this question:

Which way do you lean when you’re most confident? Or perhaps right after you’ve prayed, or had a really long, cathartic meditation? What do you feel when you’re most curious? Generally my motto is to follow curiosity and excitement, rather than fear.

learn to stay present

my personal heuristic is to remember that I will overestimate how much my environment influences my happiness, and that wherever I go, I will carry the baggage of all my memories, personality traits and bad habits. And this is fine, because it also means that wherever I am, I am free to choose in any moment to let go of all my memories and personality traits and bad habits and instead respond to this moment with true presence, taking it in as the shining, novel, brilliant ray of experience that it is

was super late to class today. didn't really pay attention again, was spending the time porting from arc to safari. safari is so much faster and smoother. feeling slightly anxious about not putting tuition money to good use for my classes. i need to focus more.

went to capital one cafe for free iced matcha latte. i think i'm addicted to matcha now. spent more time planning places to go. reddit has a lot of good suggestions. i need an llm that takes suggestions from reddit, and plots it out all on a map, and cluster by neighborhood and location, and also accounts for free days at museums. weekend hack?

brought family to union square, scheduled a demo for vision pro for all of them. dad didn't even know about vision pro. mom was very amazed. it's fun watching older people interact with technology. i'm glad they still get to experience the effects of major technological shifts.

met with bitgrit's early advisor at a diner while family was playing with vision pro. learned a lot more about bigrit. the goal is a marketplace for ai models trained on private data in TEEs. BGR token has been created, which is not affiliated with bigrit due to the stigma on crypto and legality? excited to see where bigrit goes. i've been writing for them for 5 years now on and off, and it all started with a linkedin dm. writing online has huge ROI.

dinner at chipotle, missed the chance for boorito. i'll show up next year as Neo. went whole foods shopping after that. there are so many nice packaging designs. i wonder how designers make packaging designs. what software do they use? what is the review process for it? what makes some design so aesthetic and pretty, while others bland and old. spent 85 for ~15 things. shopping for groceries is still painful because of the dollar conversion, i can't wait to start working and make big boy money.

it was nice to spent halloween day with family. so many people wearing costumes. friends groups getting together. didn't feel safe walking back. i never feel safe in sf, the peak of my anxiety and fear is when i get my keys out of my bag or pocket to open the front door, i always have an irrational fear that some homeless will stab me in the back and break into the apartment. like a movie scene come to life.

Do what you believe in. But it’s not easy when you walk your own road. You’ve only got yourself to blame. — Seiya Tsukushima, Whisper of the Heart

printed llm for medical papers, read it in the bus to the airport. bus 8 -> 292 to hyatt regency, takes 1:30 hrs.

went one round in the ODSC expo hall and talked to companies

came across delphina, an AI agent for data science. would be an interesting company to work at.

had food truck Watani Spot for lunch

we all talked to B and he's always sharing his experiences with job search. not looking forward to multiple rounds of interviews for new grad roles. i should start leetcoding.

worked on assignments at the international arrival terminal for 3 hours. felt slightly nervous and excited.

saw family and it all felt very familiar, no excitement, but it just felt normal. i wonder if that's a good thing or not

glad W and A were here to help with the luggages and moving into the hotel.

i should plan places to go for my family. going to be a doozy trying to optimize for different things the next few weeks.

“We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.

Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.”

― Blaise Pascal, Pensées

so excited to learn more about llms for health. there's an initial excitement and adventure that comes with diving into a new field. knowing that you're about to download new information and equip new skills, especially something important like cancer research is thrilling. i'm already finding papers to read. i can't wait to start.

went to hotpot champ with friends. ate too much that i regurgitated a little and felt nauseous. i'm grateful i have this group of friends.

learning how to balance not spending too much time on homeworks and using that time to build and learn other skills instead. there's a point of diminishing returns here. i don't think i am even close to crossing. i need to spend more time mulling over the homeworks.

it's anxiety-inducing that the people you know today, even the ones closest to you has a self that you cannot access, you only have a snapshot of their self, the part that they're willing to reveal to you, and nothing else. there's so much in their heads, memories and beliefs and fears that they lock up inside. maybe this is why loneliness exists, no matter how much you talk to someone or spend time with them, you can never understand them completely, and vice versa, and there are only a handful of people you can truly connect with. how much of our pasts defines us? can we escape from it? is there value in learning about someone's past? can we only focus on the present, and on the future? how well do i truly know myself? what emotions and memories am i suppressing? what am i avoiding? what do i fear?

got news about UCSF and it was a huge relief. i can now focus in class and live without the constant worry.

decided to go on the presidio to hike. a list of places i went today

• sephora free gift
• wood line
• lover's lane at presidio
• starbucks (rejected free drink)
• lucasfilm
• presidio visitor center
• crissy field
• warming hut park store
• ggb welcome center
• cafe bahn mi
• green apple book store
• mountain lake trail
• batteries to bluffs
• ggb rooftop view
• patagonia store

23 things i've learned at 23

1. it's almost impossible to plan for the future, life is very unpredictable, focus on what you can do today
2. how you do anything is how you do everything. so make sure you do it well.
3. all or nothing mindset. say no to more things that you don't enjoy doing. drop projects that you lost interest in. stop reading that book if the pages are not turning themselves.
4. aim higher. your 20s are for taking big risks. seize every opportunity. do big projects. you're capable of more than you think.
5. sometimes the starbucks cashier will not be friendly or nice to you and you have to deal with that, just be kind to everyone and smile more. contribute joy to the world.
6. run your own race, set your own standards for yourself. if you meet them, be proud; if you don't, work harder.
7. send more cold emails. dm more people on twitter. have more conversations with strangers at events.
8. buy gifts for people, go out to dinners, don't obsess over the the specific dollar amounts, obsess over the shared memories and laughters and conversations
9. anxiety and worry is the result of a lack of faith, in oneself and in God. learn to let go of what you cannot control. acknowledge that you're limited in knowledge and wisdom.
10. practice gratitude more. focus less about what you lack or what you've lost, focus more on what you have today
11. aim to be rejected more. if you're not getting rejected that means you're not taking enough risks. always aim higher
12. overthinking is the greatest killer of time and life, we suffer more in imagination than reality.
13. bias towards action. what tasks are you avoiding? put yourself in situations that requires you to act more and talk less.
14. take long walks and observe the sky and the trees and the people.
15. learn how to transform emotions into constructive forms, don't reflect back anger with anger, you will always regret it later. seek first to understand and come with empathy.
16. solitude is important, recognize your emotional needs and don't let it become unhealthy attachments.
17. take more photos. photography is all instinct. it comes in a flash and you don't have time to think. act first, revise later.
18. ask people how they're feeling. ask how their weekend went. converse more. be positive and brief. be genuinely curious about them.
19. writing is a lot of thinking and fighting with different versions of yourself. it's a lot of organization and structuring happening in your head. make sure you have a clear mind.
20. prioritize sleep. it's your most important resource for energy and you need that to do great work
21. the biggest value from hackathons are not the prizes or the ideas or the connections, it's in the self-growth. after the pressure, the stress, and the disappointments or excitement, you learned what ideas work and doesn't, you learned that you can actually build things, and you learn what you're good at. hackathons are low-bar environments for you to work at the edge of your abilities.
22. to know what you want, you have to first try many things. this is the time to experiment with everything. and follow your curiosity. work on things that feels easy to you.
23. keep showing up. in your gym routine, in your readings, in keeping up with friends and family, in building your startup. keep the momentum going. it's what will keep you focused on the right things in a world built to distract you.

inspired by

• 22 | arielle lok
• I'm turning 23 years old this week. Any life advice you can share? : r/selfimprovement
• Turning 23 | Leonard Tang
• 23 thoughts for turning 23 - by Cindy Zhang - cindo thinks!
• twenty four lessons for twenty four months
• 25 at 25 - James Little
• goodbye, quarter of a century - axes & axioms by @katiewav
• Birthday letters (II) - by Evana - arbiter of distaste
• 28 Pieces of Advice for 28 (rwblog S6E18) · rwblickhan.org
• 28 things I’ve learned - by Ava - bookbear express
• 'Aging is another word for living' - by Rosie Spinks
• The inky below - by Rosie Spinks

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.

The will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for, but we must believe that whatever it involves, it is good, acceptable and perfect.

― Jim Elliot

went to methodist english service this time around. glad i could understand the sermon entirely, rather than 60% in the mandarin service. there's sunday school and more young adults here and i think i'll be coming back to this church.

went to edge campus at 717 market st for the weaviate ai agent hackathon. went with W and A for the speedrun challenge.

partner companies for this event: Dify, toolhouse, restack, stori

had a migraine again and could feel the pain in my jaws. could be the stuffiness of the place, or the fact that i only had an avocado for lunch, or i was dehydrated, these migraines never have an explanation.

got addicted to the fritos flavor twists honey bbq flavored corn chips. they taste like crunchy pasta. junk food taste so good at the moment, but horrible right after.

stopped by A's house, dropped my stuff, wrote this on his todo pad

• get a job
• make money
• family
• ?

the last time i was here was to prep for THE interview, now it's a completely different mood. what a rollercoaster of emotions.

went to Daeho Kalbijim & Beef Soup, it tasted so good. i love purple rice. kimchi was sweet, but not fermented enough. wish they had more sides. tendon was so satisfying to eat. the Tteok was so chewy.

went back for the demo's, most of the projects are ideas i've had and have built before, so it wasn't anything i haven't seen. there were cool ones, like flashrag (using KV cache instead of chunks), and better ZK proofs, and a vision pro app that lets you read financial insights from an LLM along with charts and visualizations.

tried apple vision pro for the first time. the pinching gesture is cool. it was a little heavy but more comfortable that i imagined. when i first saw the real world with the glasses i felt like i was in a game. very peculiar feeling.

got sketching gifts from W. feel like i won't have time to sketch at all given the workload.

glad i'm spending the first few hours being older on the bible and with close ones.

art therapy with the boys

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

woke up so confused at 5 a.m.

had a mental breakdown about not going food pantry and not doing good enough for the meeting. grateful for T to help calm my spiralling thoughts.

went to mission for some art therapy. used oil pastel to recreate a paul signac painting, can't remember the name for it.

went to fedex to pickup the laptop and the area was so sketchy. broken trailers and RVs parked on the road. factories and train tracks and graffiti everywhere. i was walking at my fastest speed. so many irrational fears popped up. maybe the shady guy in the hoodie across the street will run towards me. maybe someone in a car will just drive up to me and rob my laptop. the guy chilling by the wall will jump me. so many possible worst-case scenarios.

read how to live by sarah bakewell on the train and i kept falling asleep. i've never felt so tired. i could not keep my eyes open.

montaigne was the first to write about himself extensively. he created a mirror in which other people recognize their own humanity. everyone who reads his writing finds themselves written in it. he wrote a total of 107 essays that captured whatever was going on through his head. he used these experiences as the basis to answer the biggest question of all: "how to live?" he wasn't interested in how one should live, but how to live a good life – an honorable life, a fully human, satisfying, flourishing one. this question drove him to write and read.

my steps are heavy this week, they lack the usual rhythm and tempo. i've been looking down a lot, i don't see faces anymore, just objects, it might be my self-esteem, my confidence shaken. it feels like i'm drifting.

next week will be a better week. life in SF is full of ups and downs. when you're at your lowest, it can only go up.